Friday, January 22, 2010

Revisionist History

We the Corporations of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America... - THE PREAMBLE OF THE U.S. CONSTITUTION, as it would likely be drafted today by U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts.

Or, if Roberts were to try his hand at the Gettysburg Address:

It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the Corporation, by the Corporation, for the Corporation shall not perish from the earth...

Or the Declaration of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all Corporations are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Higher Office...

(And if you sit very quietly, you can almost hear the sound of William Randolph Hearst's ghost sucking off the Chief Justice...quit staring, you pervert - sheesh!)

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