IGGY POP - "To Belong"

THE SURFMEN - "Paradise Cove"

The Brain That Refused to Die

A friend of mine once had a brain-shaped Jello mold. One year, another friend whose doctor feared he might have a brain tumor held a Halloween party. The guy with the mold made a Jello brain with a gumball suspended inside of it, representative of the tumor. Of course, the Everclear with which he had replaced most of the water in the Jello half-dissolved the gumball, reducing it to a dark, craggy, unrecognizable nugget. The good news was that, but for a few bites out of the frontal lobe, most of the brain was intact after the party. It was consequently dumped out the kitchen window, where it sat, largely undiminished by the elements, for the next five or six months. Had it survived the summer months, we looked forward to rinsing it off and serving it again the following Halloween.

Mercifully, the "actual" brain tumor turned out to be a false alarm.

And now, The Slickee Boys...

SMILE, HON Contributor Shaberman Takes His New Book on Tour

The following dispatch comes from frequent Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! contributor Ben Shaberman...

After baking in the summer sun for the last month, I am finally getting off my lazy vegan ass to promote my book, The Vegan Monologues. Here’s my exhibiting and speaking schedule:

Sept. 11-13: Toronto Vegetarian Food Fair
Sept. 19: Portland (OR) VegFest
Sept. 20: Portland (OR) Northwest VEG Potluck
Sept. 25-27: Baltimore Book Festival
Sept. 26: Baltimore Earthsave Dinner
Oct. 10-11: Washington, D.C., Green Festival
Oct. 31-Nov. 1: Boston Vegetarian Festival

More dates to come. Visit the events section of www.veganmonologues.com for more details. I am available to speak at virtually any event that involves people with cash and credit cards. Or just go for instant gratification and buy The Vegan Monologues now on Amazon or my website.

I Felt a Momentary Touch of Piety...

At the sight of the church van on Pratt Street bearing the words "Edward G. Robinson, Pastor"...

New Film Adaptation of Greene's BRIGHTON ROCK in the Works

There is apparently a new film adaptation of Graham Greene's gangster novel Brighton Rock in the works. According to this BBC article, the setting will be transposed from late-1930s Brighton to 1964, and British actor Sam Riley is set to play teenage hoodlum Pinkie Brown, while Helen Mirren will portray the story's boozy-but-good-hearted heroine, Ida Arnold.

I'm really looking forward to seeing this, though I must say, based on the book's descriptions of Ida (and her character), I always pictured her to be a vivacious, full-figured woman in early middle-age - say, 40-something. Not "fat", mind you, but curvaceous in the way that popular culture permits no one in the movies (except, perhaps, for Salma Hayek) to get away with these days. Nothing whatsoever against Mirren (and I've no doubt she'll do the role, and the story, justice), but she's a good 20-odd years older than that. Perhaps Kate Winslet would make a good Ida in another 10 or 15 years.

THE AGGROLITES - "What a Complex"

THE FROGMEN - "Underwater"

Baltimore Insider's Guide: Question #4

Following the success of Criminally Yours, a collection of entertaining Baltimore-area crime experiences, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore is once again collaborating with The Mobtown Shank, this time in putting together a Baltimore Insider's Guide. Over the next few weeks, we'll be asking various questions and compiling the results. (The more the merrier, so please tell your friends to answer, too!)

Today's question:

You find a scratch-off on the ground. You scratch it off and discover you've just won $500. What Baltimore store is the first place you go shopping, and why?

Please provide 2-3 sentences regarding why/what makes this place so special. Submit your answers to wpt@eightstonepress.com. If we use your answers/submissions, you'll receive a free copy when the issue is published.

T. REX - "Mambo Sun"

THE MASTERPLAN - "What's Up with That?"

The Masterplan, featuring Keith Streng of The Fleshtones...

Baltimore Insider's Guide: Question #3

Following the success of Criminally Yours, a collection of entertaining Baltimore-area crime experiences, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore is once again collaborating with The Mobtown Shank, this time in putting together a Baltimore Insider's Guide. Over the next few weeks, we'll be asking various questions and compiling the results. (The more the merrier, so please tell your friends to answer, too!)

Today's question:

Say you're moving to Baltimore anew. What neighborhood do you move to, and why?

Please provide 2-3 sentences regarding why/what makes this place so special. Submit your answers to wpt@eightstonepress.com. If we use your answers/submissions, you'll receive a free copy when the issue is published.

If You're Not Doing Anything...

Guilford is looking for someone to water their flowers.

The New Weimar

I couldn't help wondering, what with all of the recent comparisons of President Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler, if the eight years of the Junior Bush administration were, by turn, the new Weimar Republic. And, if so, would it make Rush Limbaugh Joel Grey? Or Dubya Liza Minnelli? (And if the latter were true, particularly, would Barbara Bush effectively be the new - gulp - Judy Garland? I mean, I have heard that if you look carefully while they all dance away down the Yellow Brick Road you can see the outlines of uninsured, terminally-ill Munchkins hanging from the trees...)

Think about it. In the meantime, here's Marlene Dietrich and her immortal rendition of "Lili Marlene" to put your mind in the proper place:

THE BEACH BOYS - "Do You Wanna Dance?"

I'm sure there is no shortage of people who would disagree, but to me, The Beach Boys' take on Bobby Freeman's "Do You Wanna Dance?" is one of the few examples of a cover that totally surpasses the original...

SHAKES THE CLOWN

From Bobcat Goldthwait's utterly brilliant 1991 directorial debut:

A Terrible Thing to Waste

Last night, I talked to a good friend of mine from college on the phone. Last December, two days after his 35th birthday, he had a massive stroke – the result of a blood clot that broke free and made straight for his brain. While his mental capacities seem largely intact, he still has no movement on his left side, and passing time does little but diminish the docs' hopes of it returning. So there he is, an extremely independent, otherwise productive member of society, requiring (and reliant upon) nearly constant care...

And then you have people like Mr. Calvin Lockner, pictured below:

GEORGE HARRISON - "Cheer Down"

Also known, in some circles, as the song that plays over the end credits of Lethal Weapon 2....




I always loved Harrison's melancholy slide-guitar in this one.

BOB DYLAN - "Dignity"

Thanks, LDS :)

Blow Job

Besides Washington, other big US cities such as Baltimore, Boston and Detroit had the highest average cocaine levels on their dollar bills...

WIRE, SUN Veteran Alvarez Offers Writing Tutorial

Rafael Alvarez, author of the "Orlo & Leini" tales and a former staff writer for The Wire, is offering tutoring in fiction, journalism, memoir and screen writing.

The 50-minute classes take place in person in the Baltimore metro area, as well as on-line. Cost is geared to what the student can afford.

Alvarez, a former City Desk reporter for The Baltimore Sun, is also
the author of Storyteller, an anthology of newspaper stories, as well as A History of the Archdiocese of Baltimore.

His website is alvarezfiction.com, and he can be reached via e-mail at tutor@alvarezfiction.com.

Baltimore Insider's Guide: Question #2

Following the success of Criminally Yours, a collection of entertaining Baltimore-area crime experiences, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore is once again collaborating with The Mobtown Shank, this time in putting together a Baltimore Insider's Guide. Over the next few weeks, we'll be asking various questions and compiling the results. (The more the merrier, so please tell your friends to answer, too!)

Today's question:

Where's the best place in Baltimore to buy music? Why?

Please provide 2-3 sentences regarding why/what makes this place so special. Submit your answers to wpt@eightstonepress.com. If we use your answers/submissions, you'll receive a free copy when the issue is published.

THE MERMEN - "Be My Noir"

Womenfest Key West

Less than 24 hours ago, I learned that I will be staying in Key West the weekend of the lesbian-centric Womenfest. I can only hope that the town will be overrun by cool lesbians of the gun-slinging, Swayze-quoting variety, and not just a bunch of sexless birdwatchers.

Sadly, though, I will arrive too late to attend the Womenfest luncheon honoring Kelly McGillis:

THE SLICKEE BOYS - "When I Go to the Beach"

THE EUCLID BEACH BAND - "There's No Surf in Cleveland"

Director Hosts Premiere of GOLDBERG Film Tonight at the Charles

WHO: Washington, DC-based filmmaker Aviva Kempner

WHAT: Hosts the premiere of her film Yoo Hoo, Mrs. Goldberg, a biopic about radio and television pioneer Gertrude Berg (a.k.a., Molly Goldberg). Kempner will field audience questions after the screening.

WHERE: The Charles Theatre, 1711 N. Charles Street, Baltimore

WHEN: Beginning at 6:45 p.m. today, Friday, August 15, 2009

From Aviva Kempner, maker of The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg, comes this humorous and eye-opening story of television pioneer Gertrude Berg. She was the creator, principal writer, and star of The Goldbergs, a popular radio show for 17 years, which became television’s very first character-driven domestic sitcom in 1949. Berg received the first Best Actress Emmy in history, and paved the way for women in the entertainment industry. Includes interviews with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, actor Ed Asner, producers Norman Lear (All in the Family) and Gary David Goldberg (Family Ties), and NPR correspondent Susan Stamberg.

To learn more about the film, visit http://www.mollygoldbergfilm.org.

MAXIMUMROCKNROLL Names SMILE, HON 11 a "Top Ten" Zine

MaximumRocknRoll names Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! No. 11 one of it's current "Top Ten Zines" in its September 2009 issue...

Top Ten Zines
Distort #22
Doll #264
Equalizing-X-Distort Vol. 9, #2
Give Me Back #5
Gutterslug #1
My Time Annihilator
Ploppy Pants #8
Rock and Roel
Seven Inches To Freedom #7
Smile, Hon, You’re In Baltimore! #11

Pick up your copy of Smile, Hon No. 11 as well as past issues of the zine today at Atomic Books, Cyclops Books, Microcosm Publishing, or order direct from www.eightstonepress.com.

-30-

Not in My Backyard

People on Edmondson Avenue should protest the Red Line on the grounds that it will provide the yuppies (who inevitably drive up local taxes, effectively "pricing out" long-time residents from their own neighborhoods) with direct access to their community...

SMILE, HON Again Partners with MOBTOWN SHANK

Following the success of Criminally Yours, a collection of entertaining Baltimore-area crime experiences, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore is once again collaborating with The Mobtown Shank, this time in putting together a Baltimore Insider's Directory. Over the next few weeks, we'll be asking various questions and compiling the results. (The more the merrier, so please tell your friends to answer, too!)

Today's question:

Where is your favorite place in Baltimore to get coffee?

Please provide 2-3 sentences regarding why/what makes this place so special. Submit your answers to wpt@eightstonepress.com. If we use your answers/submissions, you'll receive a free copy when the issue is published.

MARY PRANKSTER - "Mercy Fuck"

THE POGUES - "Hot Asphalt"

Stay cool out there today, folks...

LAIKA & THE COSMONAUTS - "Kiiriminna"

THE HEAD CAT - "Lawdy Miss Clawdy"

A clip of THE HEAD CAT (featuring MOTORHEAD's Lemmy Kilmeister - indeed, that Lemmy - and THE STRAY CATS' Slim Jim Phantom) covering "Lawdy Miss Clawdy"...

THE BLUE HAWAIIANS - "Quiet Surf"

JUDEE SILL - "Jesus Was A Cross-Maker"

Warren Zevon (appropriately enough) covered this nicely on his 1995 album Mutineer...

He's a bandit and a heart-breaker
My Jesus was a cross-maker...

THE SINGING LOINS - "Please Take My Scissors Away"

PSYCHO CHARGER - "Grave Robbers from Outer Space"

MAD DADDYS - "Take a Trip to the Other Side"

Congratulations to...

...the following individuals/entities for making Baltimore Magazine's 2009 "Best of Baltimore" list:

BEST FESTIVAL - CityLit Festival (thanks also to Baltimore Magazine for the nice little shout-out to, among others, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore!). Except for the year I had cancer, I've tabled at CityLit Fest every year since its inception, and it only gets better with time. Congrats also to CityLit Executive Director Gregg Wilhelm for being named one of four of the Baltimore art world's MVPs.

POP ART - Vinylmore. The good folks at Atomic Books (including frequent Smile, Hon contributor Benn Ray) are behind this annual exhibition that "include winking allusions to art history and pop culture."

For the complete list of this year's "Best of Baltimore", pick up the August issue of Baltimore Magazine.

Bodine Slideshow/Lecture on October 18 in Baltimore

Jennifer Bodine, daughter of legendary Baltimore Sun photographer A. Aubrey Bodine and proprietor of AAubreyBodine.com, will present a slide-illustrated talk about the life and work of her father, whose photographs captured the essence of life in Baltimore and Maryland from the 1930s and beyond, beginning at 2:00 p.m., Sunday, October 18, in the Poe Room of the Central Branch of the Enoch Pratt Free Library in Baltimore. (Copies of Bodine’s Chesapeake Bay Country will be on sale following the program.) Jeff Korman, Manager of the Central Library’s Maryland Department, will also talk about the work of the Federal Writers Project in Maryland and Maryland, A Guide to the Old Line State.

Back in Baltimore....

Returned to Mobtown late Sunday afternoon after participating in the 22nd Annual St. Vincent's Foundation Swim Across the Sound, an event that raises funds to support low-income cancer patients and their families while they deal with diagnosis/treatment/etc. Further details to follow....