T. REX - "Life's a Gas"

THE SCARRING PARTY - "No More Room"

LOS FABULOSOS CADILLACS - "Calaveras y Diablitos"

ROBERT MITCHUM - "Ballad of Thunder Road"

But the fire is so delightful...

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

Look sharp, ladies....

Karl Rove is single once again...

THE FABULOUS WAILERS - "Dirty Robber"

Come on - you know you want to...

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

SMILE, HON wants your dirty stories!

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

Expect the First When the Bell Tolls One...

But why do spirits walk the earth, and why do they come to me? - Ebenezer Scrooge


Indeed, there's little doubt as to which color Mr. Scrooge's state of residence would be had he been born an American 150 years later. Peace on earth. Goodwill toward men. And smart bombs for the rest of you.

But it was thoughts of Christmas shopping that kept me going through the bitter December wind that had driven most other living things indoors. Did I get a gift for so-and-so? Should I buy a gift for what's-his-name? And would I have enough left over to anoint myself with sacramental booze? Such was the occupation of my mind as I started out, harbor-bound, over the Light Street skywalk.

It was the hair that first caught my attention. There, from the far end of the skywalk (and closing) came the form of a woman toting several large shopping bags and the strangest coif I'd ever seen, wrapping over the top of her head from jaw line to jaw line to form a hairy gray ellipse.

The hair – yes, it was the hair. And the distinction of being the only other soul within eyeshot. A fellow soldier of the faith, sallying forth and cold be damned.

But things took a sobering turn as she rounded the bend on the skywalk, and the closing distance revealed to my wondering eyes that she was not really a she at all. Nor was the hair one giant 'do, as it had first appeared, but rather a great salty patch supported by a pair of monstrously bushy mutton chops, each at its widest point equaling no less than half the width of the face it ensconced.

Indeed, I was in a holiday-shopping showdown with another man – and a bizarrely-coiffed one at that – in the December-frozen heart of downtown Baltimore.

Like any red-blooded American male I fixed my gaze on an indeterminate point ahead and marched onward, closing the distance between us ever-further, until we were on the verge of passing. At this point curiosity got the better of me, and I shot a quick port-side glance, first at the passing hair, then the face...

It took several steps after I had passed him for it to register.

It was Richard Chamberlain.

I froze on the spot as he toted his finds in the direction of the Hyatt, and then it hit me. I remembered seeing mention on television the night before of the opening of a production of Dickens' A Christmas Carol at the Hippodrome Theater only a few blocks away, with the mutton-chopped lead of Scrooge played by none other than TV's Dr. Kildare.

I stood there for a moment, processing the scene, with all previous thoughts exorcised from the mind. What should I do? I wondered. What could I do? And did anything, in fact, need to be done at all?

Fuck it, I thought. After all, it's not every day one has a brush with fame on the windswept skywalk over Light Street.

"Mr. Chamberlain!" I yelled, running to catch up. "Mr. Chamberlain!"

He stopped on the spot and turned to face me, his great bushy whiskers knitting an expression of confusion across his face that suggested I had interrupted the unwritten holiday shopping list in his mind.

"Yes?" he said.

I introduced myself and shook his hand, then immediately drew a blank. Beautiful – I had his attention, but now what? What could I say? To make matters worse, my mind suddenly drew a blank when it came to anything I'd seen him in. Slowly, I began to speak.

"So," I said, “you're starring in that new production of A Christmas Carol."

"Yes."

"Ah. And that's over at the Hippodrome?"

"Yes."

"They just renovated it last year. Nice place."

"Yes, it is."

"Well, enjoy your stay in Baltimore. It was nice to meet you."

"Yes. Thank you."

And with that we went about our separate ways – to finish the job, as it were – as the frozen Christmas wind blessed the empty streets of the Baltimore waterfront.


Copyright © 2004 by William P. Tandy

Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

TWO FIREFIGHTERS were injured and some 200 people evacuated from the Guinness brewery at St James’s Gate, Dublin, yesterday when a fire started during roof repairs on a storage warehouse at the site... - THE IRISH TIMES

Go on, skip to the good parts...

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

UTNE praises Baltimore's "thriving independent literary scene"

Baltimore's "thriving independent literary scene should serve as an inspiration to anyone, in any city, who feels the creative slump of the economic recession and fears there’s little room for imagination or innovation..." - Danielle Maestretti, UTNE READER (January/February 2010)

UTNE Profiles SMILE, HON, Baltimore Literary Scene

Utne Reader profiles Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore!, and Mobtown's literary scene in general, in its January/February 2010 issue. In her article "Baltimore: The City That Reads", author Danielle Maestretti notes:

Though Smile, Hon very much inhabits its native city, the publication will appeal to anyone who is compelled by the darkly funny, serendipitous, sometimes undignified realities of urban existence...

Read the complete article here.

SMILE, HON is looking for dirty stories!

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

SMILE, HON: Dirty Old Town

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

SMILE, HON: Left to Your Imagination

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

TWISTED SISTER - "O Come, All Ye Faithful"

CHANGE TO UNITED STATES POSTAL CODE, Section 508, Paragraph 12

And so, in the absence of any objection, the unofficial creed of the United States Postal Service is hereby amended:

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds. Unless it's 20 minutes till they close for lunch. And he or she is the only one behind the counter. With 14 people in line. Prompting said United States Postal Service representative (hereafter referred to as "the Reperesentative") to turn those outside away by announcing, "We will reopen at three," before locking the door in their faces. Thereby ensuring that the outside people remain that way, while those inside who have finished their business remain inside until such time as said Representative has deemed them fit for release. Fire code? Not our department, sir. Wait to get in, wait to get out. We reopen at three. Next.

Sarah Palin Recycles!

People! It's quite obvious that Sarah Palin's intentions here went no further than her simply trying to "be incognito". (I mean, have you priced brand-new, unmarked sun visors these days?)

Words are Hot

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

Smile, Hon, You're in Flagrante!

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore, MD); City Lights Books (San Francisco, CA); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore, MD); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago, IL) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore, MD). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

SMILE, HON seeks stories for upcoming "sex" issue

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

SMILE, HON, YOU'RE IN BALTIMORE! seeks submissions for upcoming "sex" issue

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC - "The Night Santa Went Crazy"

Then he smiled as he said
With a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all
Now you're all gonna die!...

Come On, Give Us a Peek...

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

THE RAMONES - "Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)"

THE SIMPSONS - "Sex Cauldron?"

WARREN ZEVON - "Even a Dog Can Shake Hands"

"Even a Dog Can Shake Hands" originally appeared on the Zevon album Sentimental Hygiene. Trivia: Zevon is backed here (as he is on the rest of the album) by three-quarters of REM (Buck, Mills and Berry), with whom he would collaborate on a subsequent album under the name Hindu Love Gods. The song was also used as the opening theme of the short-lived television show Action...

SMILE, HON Release Party Tonight!

Picture an alternate universe in which the King of '70s/'80s/'90s Pop was not Michael Jackson, but, in fact, Earl Scruggs. Then, come listen to it tonight, as Baltimore's own Wild Bonerz tear it up with a free live performance at the Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! No. 12 Release Party! The fun begins at 7:00 p.m. at Cyclops Books & Music, 30 W. North Avenue, Baltimore, MD 21201...



For more information, e-mail wpt@eightstonepress.com or andy@cyclopsbooks.com.


-30-

Famous Last Words, No. 8,978,835

God himself could not sink Australia...

Of course, this means we'll have James Cameron's even-more-bloated reinterpretation of Baz Luhrmann's movie to look forward to (though they have both worked with Leonardo DiCaprio, so there should be some consistency)...

If He Can't Get Streisand, Will He Settle for Midler?

From The New York Times:

Senator Orrin G. Hatch, a solemn-faced Republican with a soft spot for Jews and a love of Barbra Streisand, has penned a catchy holiday tune, 'Eight Days of Hanukkah'...

Like Larry Craig, it's no doubt a real toe-tapper.

BALTIMORE SCIENCE FICTION SOCIETY Young Writers' Contest

OPEN TO:
Maryland students, ages 14-18

CASH PRIZES:
First - $150; Second - $100; Third - $50

The three winners shall also receive complimentary registrations for the Balticon Science Fiction Convention for themselves and their parents or one guest each and a free Balticon T-Shirt.

a. The deadline is March 31, 2010.
Submissions must be in the field of science fiction or fantasy. For more information, visit the contest website: www.bsfs.org/bsfsywc.

b. Submissions shall be no more than 2,500 words in length.

c. All submissions should include a title page with the title of the story, the entrant's name, home address, evening phone number, and e-mail address if possible. Also, please include your English teacher's name (or note if home-schooled).

d. Paper submissions must have numbered pages - all submissions must have a footer with the title and page number. They should not have the entrant's name or other identifying information on the individual pages. Paper submissions should be typed or printed, double-spaced, on 8.5" x 11" (letter-size) paper.

e. Electronic submissions must be sent as an e-mail attachment in either Microsoft Word or Word perfect format. Otherwise, they must be printed out and submitted on paper. One contestant may submit multiple entries, but only one prize may be won by any one entrant.

f. The winners will be contacted before the convention and their names will be announced to the public at the next Balticon on Memorial Day Weekend, 2010, just before the Masquerade at 8:30 p.m. Winners need not be present to receive their prizes.

g. Address paper submissions to:

Balticon Young Writers' Contest
BSFS, Inc.
P.O. Box 686
Baltimore, MD 21203-0686

h. E-mail electronic submissions to: "ywc AT balticon DOT org"

i. Judges shall be drawn from the membership of BSFS, Inc. All submissions become the property of Baltimore Science Fiction Society Inc. (BSFS, Inc.), and may be published in Society publications.


For additional information, call the BSFS Building at (410) 563-2737 or the coordinator at (410) 823-8913, or e-mail "ywc AT balticon DOT org". Convention information is available online at www.balticon.org. For general organization information and science fiction resources, visit www.bsfs.org.

Smile, Hon...

..."It's Unusual for Downtown Hotels, in General!"

How Dirty / Hot / Filthy / Sloppy / Wet / Nasty Can You Be for This Issue?

Come on, folks, we're talking Baltimore here...

IGGY POP - "Death is Certain"

Come On, Let's See What Ya Got...

I'm Always Amazed...

...by the number of people who invoke reading Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! and going to the bathroom in the same breath. (Indeed, one of the earliest critiques I received came by way of a postcard, which bore the scrawl, "I laughed so hard I almost fell off the toilet.") Given the commode's status as one of the last bastions of relative solitude, I consider it the utmost compliment.

Sunday morning...

...comin' down, motherfucker!

Do the Big Nasty, Baltimore!

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

SERGE GAINSBOURG - "L'anamour"

Take It Off for SMILE, HON!

BALTIMORE - Literary zine Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is accepting submissions of sex-related stories, essays, poetry, photography and other artwork for a forthcoming special issue through Tuesday, January 5, 2010. Creative non-fiction is preferred (we're not looking for Penthouse's sloppy seconds here), though all submissions will be considered. Articles (100 – 2,000 words) are preferably received via e-mail (wpt@eightstonepress.com) as attached Word documents. Image files should be approximately 5" x 7", 300+ dpi (.JPG or .TIF format). All contributors will receive a byline/artist credit for their work as well as two (2) complimentary copies of the issue in which their work appears. (Note: Contributors may use their own names, or, for anonymity, adopt a nom de plume, preferably of a raunchy or comical nature, for the purposes of the issue.)

From the harbor to the hills, the award-winning Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark. Polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet’s fleeting sentiment, captured in both word and snapshot – Smile, Hon offers a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004). Previous "theme" issues have tackled such topics as rats, scars, crime, tattoos, transit and the supernatural.

An Eight-Stone Press production, Smile, Hon, You're in Baltimore! is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore); Cyclops Books & Music (Baltimore); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, Maryland 21212
E-mail: Wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-

Smile, Hon...

Promoting a (somewhat) positive image of Baltimore, so City Hall and the State's Attorney's Office don't have to.

Don't Risk Indictment...

...with big-box store gift cards this holiday season. Instead, check out what these local, independent businesses have to offer.

THE MIGHTY BOOSH - "Tale of the Crack Fox"

Lately, I've been watching The Mighty Boosh, from the UK, which may be the new epitome of fucked-up, ludicrously absurd humor. Behold this clip from the "Crack Fox" episode, perhaps my favorite yet...

TOMMY ROE - "Sheila"

Eight-Stone Press Publishes SMILE, HON No. 12

BALTIMORE – Shakedowns, drug busts and old bones in the cellar are but a few nuggets unearthed in the "urban terrarium" of Smile, Hon, You’re in Baltimore! No. 12, edited by William P. Tandy and published by Eight-Stone Press.

In this issue, JEANNIE HEGARTY clears her calendar for a drug bust next door; JOE HIGLER consoles a hometown son-made-good on a tragic anniversary; BEN SHABERMAN fancies himself a 2A contender; fate deals RAHNE ALEXANDER a flush; and LISA SINGER decides Baltimore is as far south as she’s willing to work, plus a whole lot more. Other contributors include:

- KEITH A. BERRY
- SUSAN BEVERLY
- A. AUBREY BODINE
- DAVIDA GYPSY BREIER
- ROB BRULINSKI
- CARYN COYLE
- S.J. FERRANDI
- SIOBHAN FITZPATRICK
- MARTHA GATEWOOD
- E. DOYLE-GILLESPIE
- SHARON GOLDNER
- TRACEY HEDRICK GRAHAM
- ROB HATCH
- J.G. HECK
- NEIL LEVIN
- SARAH JANE MILLER
- DAVIS MORTON
- BENN RAY
- DAN REED
- ELIZABETH FAITH REED
- TIMMY REED
- ALISON SEAY
- JEFFREY SHIPLEY
- JENA SHLOCK
- WILLIAM P. TANDY
- MATT TERZI

A release party featuring author readings, a live performance by the Wild Bonerz, refreshments and more will be held beginning at approximately 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, December 10, at Cyclops Books and Music, 30 W. North Avenue (at the intersection of Maryland Avenue), Baltimore, Maryland 21201.

From the harbor to the hills, the submission-based Smile, Hon, You’re in Baltimore! collects the tales of those on whom Mobtown has left her indelible mark: polished, professional essays; barroom sermons delivered from the sanctity of a favorite stool; the poet's fleeting sentiment captured in both word and snapshot – a slice of Baltimore as told by Baltimore, presented with the time-honored, DIY accessibility of a limited-run, handcrafted zine. A two-time Utne Independent Press Award nominee, Smile, Hon has also been dubbed "Best Zine" by both Baltimore Magazine (2008) and Baltimore City Paper (2004).

Smile, Hon, You’re in Baltimore! is an Eight-Stone Press production and is distributed by Atomic Books (Baltimore); Cyclops Books (Baltimore); Microcosm Publishing (Bloomington, IN, and Portland, OR); Quimby's (Chicago) and Red Emma's Bookstore Coffeehouse (Baltimore). For more information, contact:

William P. Tandy, Editor
Eight-Stone Press
P.O. Box 11064
Baltimore, MD 21212
E-mail: wpt@eightstonepress.com
Website: http://www.eightstonepress.com
MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/eightstonepress
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wptandy
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/eightstonepress


-30-